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Universities all over the country are under fire for how they handle sexual assault under Title IX, the federal law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex in any federally funded education program.

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If you find yourself censoring your partner’s behavior when recounting it for friends or family, this might be a sign that some part of you realizes your partner’s behavior is “wrong.” If you find yourself policing your own behavior when with your partner out of fear that they will be “upset” or “disappointed” with you for failing to live up to their (often ill-defined or volatile) expectations, this might help you identify ways in which the power balance in your relationship is unhealthy and skewed.

Surviving intimate partner violence, or relationship abuse, is hard.

It’s especially difficult when you go to the same school as your abuser and have no choice but to eat in the same dining hall, study at the same library, attend the same classes, or participate in the same extracurricular activities.

Below we’ve compiled some common questions we hear from survivors of abusive relationships, with responses from those of us who have been there.

Fast answer: If it’s the sort of treatment you wouldn’t tolerate for one second directed at a friend, it’s probably not healthy and might be abusive.